The Osopher's Tale Read online

  His name was Jim, but nobody ever called him that. It was always naked Jim.

  Jim was never destined for a vain quest of knowledge. Instead he willingly trusted fizz to protect him from knowledge. ‘why a mania for explanation?’ he would say, ‘the world is a verb, a thing in motion.’. disciples and devotees - what are most of them doing? Worshipping the teapot instead of drinking the tea.

  Jim had attained a certain coefficient in love that had caused his spirit to crystalise on another level – he was established in surreality.

  Jim, who wears all-times a necklace and headband to create pressure points that serve as a centre of energy-exchange for the skin, and would more often than not be followed at a distance of never more than 50m by a naked cat who wore a bandana to keep her warm, peaked on planet aqua around the end of the 19th and mid-20th centuries. He gained plenty of followers practicing nudity and meditation, preaching a philosophy stating that the nude human body is a natural condition and should be widely accepted for the betterment of society. Saying this, it was not uncommon for jim have twisted, and if extremely necessary, incest-related thoughts, as demi does not consider a bulging erection to aid the betterment of society, and for ann it is one step too far in hutopia. The wandering man must keep his wand under control.

  Yes, Jim was fond of female friends. His favourite were the Poles, hence why in Poland girls are allowed free entry into nightclubs. Thankfully for Jim, he is not required to keep his wand under control when it comes to sex, though. For Jim, in his creative, wacky mind’s eye, he saw sex as like cooking spaghetti bolognaise; there was more time spend in the preparation (foreplay) than the cooking (intercourse) itself. Slicing the garlic, dicing the tomatoes, chopping the peppers, crushing the salt, crushing the chillies, peeling the carrots; these tasks sometimes take 40 minutes if done carefully. As does the back massage, the caressing of the neck, the strokes of the inner thigh, the grazes of the breast, the kisses on the lips. Whereas, the frying of the mince with the above ingredients and the boiling of the pasta takes a mere 12 minutes. Jim enjoyed the finer things, he paid attention to the stages that some completely miss out, and he treated the climax as an inevitable, quick ending.

  If ever distant, apart, separated, jim would enjoy sharing a naked picture with his loved ones, which led him to invent camera phones and subsequently snap chat and private messaging.

  Jim’s favourite place to frequent on planet Aqua is the Szechenyi baths in Budapest, having been their founder in 1918. These hot thermal springs, an outdoor jacuzzi as such, allowed Jim to sit back and relax, watching and admiring the bare bodies stroll or swim by, all until Demi made swimwear compulsory! Still, these springs connected him closer to both Gee and Kai. Gee was essential as she directed the water to the spa and maintained the core temperature of up to 38oc, also ensuring that the H2O contained plenty of other letter symbols, i.e. supplementary minerals ideal for Jim’s lush skin. Kai, meanwhile, developed a very close relationship with Jim shortly after these baths opened, as the ability to massage oneself, or another person indeed, when in one of these baths is a bodily pleasure to behold. Thighs and feet, when rubbed and handled correctly, which of course Kai dos on pure instinct, produces serenity within the beholder; a healthy dose of serotonin.

  Not necessarily his favourite place as such, but certainly where he felt most at home, where he felt free-est and most alive staring up at the bright blue sky, was freetown christiana, located in amongst the city of Copenhagen. Sitting on a bench sipping a chai latte outside of gronsagen cafe, looking across at the painted murals of naked people on the wall, just above the sign saying ‘green light district christiana’, jim would often entertain any passerby willing to listen with his tale of the fish in the bowl there was once an aquarium with a removable glass partition, which could be taken out at any time, and the fish who lived within, accustomed to this compartment, would never try to go over to the other side of the bowl. It would come to a point in the water where it was used to encountering the partition, before swimming around and turning back. Little did the fish know that the partition was not always present, and that all it had to do was keep going forwards and experience a new lease of life of freedom in a new realm not yet explored.

  Also, one time in freetown christiana, jim had organised the simultaneous release of 500 green balloons as an act of attention-drawing and protest, in an attempt to speed up the process of legalisation of cannabis, currently being slowed down by some of demi’s lesser traits.

  Thanks to jim’s hard work and open mind and wandering feet and non-stop talking, free towns were popping up all over the map. The next one had appeared in darwen, england, and then manchester, expanding from there like a sweeping plague; though the sweet contagion this time was love and freedom.

  Another establishment established by Jim was the European-style gymnasiums; what is referred to as ‘school’ further west. However, Jim had never intended for children to learn ‘life skills’ in the same building for 7 straight years, this was Demi’s doing. He had hoped for it to be used as a local base that kids could pop in and out of, come and go as they wished; a stopping point where they could go and ask some questions should they choose to do so. He certainly didn’t foresee the introduction of coursework, which Demi saw as integral to life progression. ‘To be young and forced to choose subjects?’ he would say, ‘Life isn’t split into history or math or science, it’s a versatile mix of greys, with no blacks or whites to be seen.’. Gymnasiums were supposed to provide a holistic approach.

  In fields relating to the human body, jim had worked closely with ann in creating the art/sport of gymnastics; a wondrous act that appeared as poetry in motion to the eyes. Jim, too, saw a need for toned muscles and so gyms began appearing across the planet. And from these toned muscles followed jim’s desire to see his muscular body appear on canvas. And so, as ann was a fond painter, jim loved to strike a mannequin’s pose for portraits. His most famous is in the sistine chapel. Here, jim mocks demi’s laziness to access the true potential within her brain/mind. The god within her mind is reaching out and a pathetic demi gives a half-arsed effort at connecting with it.

  Though a wanderer, Jim was, too, an advocate of free public transport. He certainly enjoyed resting his head on a window and nodding off as he undertook cross-planetary journeys. Jim could be seen in his purest, most exposed element when asleep. Mouth open, salivating slightly, there was an essence of naked purity, honesty and innocence surrounding him.

  In typical jim fashion though, there was another benefit to these windows that he would rest his head on. Not only could he see his own beautiful reflection in them, but also he could pretend to be staring aimlessly out of the window, when in actual fact he was staring right into the cleavage of the woman sat across from him, without her even knowing it!

  Jim, blessed with total freedom by Ann, and this is not only a freedom of choice and mind, but also a freedom from care and societal stigmas, never saw the benefit of 4 walls and a roof which Demi and her corrupt banks make you pay for eternally - life for Jim is to be loved, not simply lived.

  Jim nosopher

  The wisdom of nakedness